Loving Touches Of The Mind
by MyMagentaPeach
Summary: Friday Night Dinner With The Hummels, and to Kurt something about Blaine seems off.
1. When I'm By Myself I Can't Be Myself

**Disclaimer: I **don't own Glee.

**A/N: **This is finally the starting point to the Breathe Series. So when Kurt first notices that Blaine might be hurting in ways neither boy knows how to communicate. Was meant to be a one-shot, oh, well, now I have already at least two more chapters to this in the works.

I have been wanting to write this for a while now, and had a big part of it planned out for some time. I hope this caries meaning beyond fluff and angst to you, my readers.

I had not expected it myself, but for some reason this feels like an extremely important story to me, personally. Feedback would be so appreciated, you have no idea! I care deeply about the BreatheUniverse. **  
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**audancerboy**, this chapter is for you, because you bring so much joy to me, knowing that you have stuck with me for a while now, adding so many of my stories to your favorits.

**To all my readers** offering me there loving feedback and support by favoriting and putting me on alerts and of course reviewing:

**Thank you for making posting a happier experience for me by showing me love for my work, and offering me constructive criticism; some of you have grown dear friends to me. I trust you know who you are. **

**Love you.**

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><p><strong>When I'm By Myself I Can't Be Myself<br>**

Kurt does not know what to think.

But he knows, something is off.

It has only been a short while since he and Blaine got together, and in any other relationship Kurt has watched grow - and then in most cases implode - that would mean an almost scary, and certainly – to Kurt at least – unnerving degree of obliviousness concerning the other person and that person's emotional needs.

Kurt and Blaine are not usual; and Kurt does trust Blaine to come to him if he needs him, needs answers, just as Kurt had only two days ago.

Kurt might have begun to fall for Blaine from the first moment they met, and sometimes Kurt scolds himself for that, questioning whether that is a bad omen.

Now, that he opens the door to Blaine and is met with that same smile he first fully experienced standing in the door of the commons at Dalton, watching Blaine perform for the first time, – because Kurt thinks 'Gosh, this smile is an experience in itself, never mind the boy attached to it,' – Kurt is matching Blaine's smile within a split-second - unable to help the response although there is that feeling in the pit of his stomach that something isn't quite right- reminded that two days ago he had finally, cuddled up with Blaine on their living room couch in the afternoon, actually worked up the courage to ask Blaine what he thinks this intense connection he knows he has always felt might mean.

xxxx

"Blaine?" Kurt had asked, suddenly sitting a little straighter, his back not leaning as relaxed as it had only a moment ago against Blaine's chest from where Kurt had been sitting between Blaine's legs.

"Yes, Love."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything."

"I have been thinking about this for a while now. I, I mean, I don't want to scare you away."

"Kurt," Blaine had said pulling Kurt back deep into his embrace, "I can't think of anything that could even make me get up from this couch right now, let alone let go of my feelings for you. I would not know how. They seem to be about everything that holds me together, and makes me truly feel like I am me, these days. This might sound strange, and I cannot say I understand it fully myself, not yet anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"I always feel the closest to myself when I am with you."

"Not strange."

Kurt had said turning his head, revealing a loving smile to Blaine and placing a soft kiss, the lightest of touches, to Blaine's lips.

Yes they are still taking the physical side slow, and gladly.

The slightest of touches still being the biggest thrill either boy has ever experienced so they both ravel in those, loving touches.

Blaine had kept smiling at Kurt and that really had been all the encouragement Kurt had needed right then to dare ask what had been stirring in his mind for not just a while, but more than a while too long by then.

"Do you think…I mean…", and there had been his nerves again, acting up, and Blaine had squeezed Kurt's left hand with his own, resting tangled lightly on Kurt's right upper thigh.

Kurt had, still sitting in between Blaine's legs, turned slightly, looking over his left shoulder, a moment later turning his whole body, to face Blaine fully.

Locking their eyes with determination Kurt had finally rushed the words out "I realized I started falling for you from the first moment we met. What do you think that means?", and then Kurt had been off on a ramble, his eyes leaving Blaine's and darting around the room, "Do you think it means something bad? I am scared it means something bad, and I don't want it to be that dark omen, I don't want us to be doomed. I…I…".

Blaine had cut Kurt of with a kiss, and taken both of Kurt's hands in his own.

When Blaine had pulled back almost in slow motion, the brief moment of utter quiet had had Kurt throw him a questioning but still undeniably happy – if not a little dazed – look.

Blaine though, attentive sweet Blaine, who sometimes cares even too much – yes he exists too, Kurt had discovered almost instantly, certainly within the first 24hours of dating Blaine – had still seen the questions working away behind Kurt's eyes 'What does it mean? Did I fall too quick, too hard?'

"True Love."

Blaine had noticed Kurt stilling, even holding his breath for a moment at the sound of these two not so simple words, and all the meanings and loving promises implied with these words spoken.

"I think it means true love. Maybe, maybe it means only the chance for it. I think it is like a friendship, every relationship needs work, but I…I felt it too Kurt, that moment I turned and took you in, all of you, I, I felt that pull towards you. Instantly. I was not as brave as you, I could not name it as love until, well, you know when. Hearing you say you felt the same, means so much to me. I am so glad you asked."

"Me, too," Kurt had said allowing his eyes to flutter shut as he had moved to rest his forehead against Blaine's, their hands still gently intertwined.

They had stayed like this for as long as it had been comfortable, and – because it had never stopped being comforting – then some.

xxxx

Every time Kurt thinks his love for Blaine has reached its limit he discovers something new about his boyfriend that deepens and widens and stretches everything Kurt ever thought love could encompass.

Today, Blaine's first ever Friday Night Dinner with Finn, Burt, Carole and Kurt, quickly turns out to be no exception to that rule.


	2. Stop Me, I Need To Think

**A/N: **

Due to popular demand, and because GOSH YES I NEEDED TO WRITE THIS, a fast update.

I hope the writing and re-writing at light-speed (well almost*wink*) did not have the quality suffer. Let me know, please?

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><p><strong>Stop Me, I Need To Think<strong>

Blaine, after saying a quick, lively hello to everyone, almost instantly ends up in the kitchen, preparing the salad for the meal while Burt and Carole are busying themselves laying the table, Kurt joining them for a brief moment to thank his Dad for officially inviting Blaine to today's Friday Night Dinner.

It means a lot to both boys to have at least one family acknowledge their relationship as one of meaning and love.

As Kurt's arms come around Blaine and he allows his chest to rest against Blaine's back, chin resting lightly on Blaine's left shoulder, Blaine, still slicing tomatoes, hums in appreciation of the warmth this touch guides through all of his body.

It makes him feel complete.

Kurt's touch makes Blaine feel whole in a way nothing Blaine can remember ever has.

Blaine is pretty sure this is what love feels like, 'Must be;'he thinks to himself, and for a short moment he can forget that he remembers nothing about love, but - what feels like - everything about all the rest.

Kurt's hands glide from where they have been resting on Blaine's lower abdomen to Blaine's chest, pulling himself closer against Blaine.

Only the thin cotton of Blaine's dark green, long sleeved shirt - with the sleeves rolled up right now - keeping Kurt's heat from sinking deeper into Blaine's skin and from mingling with Blaine's own.

"I love watching you preparing food, there is something almost mesmerizing about the rhythm your hands fall into after a while. How did I never notice that before tonight?"

"Well, at Dalton we were never even allowed near the kitchen, and we have never actually cooked together before," Blaine reminds Kurt.

"We could try out some new recipes together," Kurt suggests.

"And cook some of our favorite foods for each other," Blaine adds turning his head to briefly smile at Kurt, as he dries his hands on a kitchen towel, having just finished with the last tomato.

Out of the blue, taking in all the emotion Kurt caries in his eyes and smile, it all becomes too much. And Blaine has to force himself to keep breathing regularly.

Kurt, hands still resting over Blaine's upper chest, registers the stuttering mess Blaine's breathing is growing closer to become, with every breath, but before he has the chance to ask what brought this on Burt and Carole reenter the kitchen.

"This looks wonderful Blaine, thank you for offering to help with the food," Carole says.

As Blaine turns to face Kurt's parents, Kurt lets go of Blaine, and the thought carrying the worry slowly begins to slip away, until it has made its way completely out of Kurt's mind's reach.

The thought, that seemed so important just a second ago, now is only buried deeper, as the conversation turns from cooking to football; and when Finn comes back from Puck's and they all settle around the table in the living room to eat, the thought is forgotten not least because Blaine looks happy, with a smile on his face that still wipes Kurt's mind of all coherent thought within seconds.

There is no awkwardness. Yes, it is the first official Friday Night Dinner with Blaine, and yes that is special to Burt and Kurt, to Carole and even Finn.

Blaine's smile though says it all, says that of all the people sitting around this table tonight there is none to whom this evening, this meal is more important than Blaine.

Kurt chin propped up in his right hand, gazes at Blaine with the brightest of smiles.

Kurt ravels in the ease he feels simply smiling back at his boyfriend, until Finn, nudges him "Dude, are you going to eat that or not?"

Blaine is laughing, because Kurt has not moved one inch from his previous position, still beaming at Blaine, when he says "I will. Eventually."

"Kiddo?"

"Yes Dad, I will eat. No Dad, I am not sick."

"Lovesick," Finn mumbles under his breath, and Kurt, uses his free left arm to nudge his step-brother into his right side, still otherwise not even flinching.

Now Carole is smiling wide, "I remember my sister and me being like that."

"Ouch," Finn complains, with a time-delay that indicates that really he felt nothing at all, except the need to make a scene, and Kurt thinks Finn is definitly spending entirely too much time with Rachel, "those things are pointy, be more careful with them will you! I feel like you just rammed one of your sai-swords into my side."

"Sai-words?" Blaine asks wide-eyed.

And Kurt just grins at Blaine as he half-whispers "I am kind of a ninja."

Kurt keeps watching Blaine, who is sitting next to Carole, throughout the rest of the meal.

And now, today, for the first time – and Kurt does not know either why now, or today, or why at all, come to think of it – Kurt notices these little moments in which Blaine looks confused and irritated and just, 'A little lost?'

Blaine is still, as usual, laughing at the anecdotes Finn and Burt exchange about football and basketball, and Carol's stories about her colleagues newest obsessions at work, and all the family banter going on, first and foremost between the siblings; but through all of it there are these little moments, and now the thought buried before has made its way back to the surface. 'Something isn't right.'

The timing is what strikes Kurt most, because it adds a sense of intense hurtful grief to it.

Just like now.

Laughter is still filling the room when Blaine's face suddenly drops and Kurt feels a stab to his chest. Pleadingly gazing into Blaine's direction, trying desperately to catch his eyes and ask.

But Blaine has his eyes fixed to the ground until a small smile returns to his lips and he can bring himself to look back up, usually at Finn.

Kurt thinks it is because Blaine knows that Finn is not the best at reading people. In fact, Finn's people reading skills are about as well practiced as his dance moves.

But it is not just the unabashed expression of happiness that seems to throw Blaine of.

There are the moments that are met with much more than mild discomfort. The affectionate smiles Burt and Carole keep throwing Finn and Kurt, occasionally accompanied with a full-hearted pat on the back or the gentle placing of a hand over that of one of the boys, usually followed by a gentle, loving squeeze that has everyone who notices smile – and around such a small table that is everyone – are not met with a smile from Blaine.

Kurt thinks he can see Blaine's eyes flicker with…What? Pain? Hurt? 'Sadness?'Kurt thinks to himself, every time he can actually manage to catch a glimpse of them before they are fixed back on to the ground.

Kurt is sure his Dad has noticed too, sitting at the head of the table with Finn and Carole to his right and left, the perfect distance from Blaine, so that he cannot miss it. Unlike Carole, sitting too close to Blaine to catch more than a quick glance of him here and there; so his changing expressions go unnoticed by her.

When Kurt reaches across the table and gently intertwines his right with Blaine's left, their eyes meet fully and Kurt throws Blaine a questioning, love-filled look.


	3. Trace My Sadness

**A/N: **Hello again. Short chapter, I know, and I would apologize for that, usually, and tons; but it felt so right to cut it off right there, so you will have to go and read it and love it, without any apologizes, for it going to be over real quick, from me, as the icing on the cake. Read slow and savour it?

Also, mmh, CAKE!

You will see.

Enjoy.

Yes, the virtual cake I am handing out to you all tonight that too.

Feel free to devour that though at light-speed. (And here I go talking about light-speed again. What's up with that? Seriously?)

Love, M

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><p><strong>Trace My Sadness<strong>

Blaine looks down, shakes his head, and when their eyes meet again – Blaine doing his best to put on a smile that will convince Kurt to change the subject, 'Because really,' Blaine thinks, 'there is nothing you can do to change my mind, for the better, not right now,' – Kurt knows there are no words right now, and there might not even be questions or answers to ask, or to give.

But there is Kurt, and there is Blaine and Kurt thinks 'There is care to take,' and he does want to take care.

No, not of or for Blaine 'That would be so presumptuous, so arrogant,' Kurt thinks, 'Needs though, everyone has those.'

And Kurt can see nothing wrong in wanting to take care of those for Blaine; because really Blaine's needs are Kurt's now too, and Kurt hopes Blaine knows it, instantaneously starts searching his own mind for ways to make sure Blaine does.

But this will require a conversation, Kurt realizes.

So for now Kurt simple squeezes gently once again, before letting go of Blaine's hand, slowly.

Wanting neither to startle, nor smoother Blaine; and he know Blaine well enough to know that this lingering touch must be getting too much, today.

'It has happened before,' Kurt thinks now, 'Blaine pulling back. How did I not make the connection earlier?'

"Dad, I'll go get dessert," Kurt says standing up.

"Okay Kiddo."

Kurt, gently brushes the fingertips of his left hand over Blaine's left shoulder as he walks past him, a fleeting touch. The kind he knows Blaine loves and can handle right now.

Kurt stops mid-step, turns to look at Blaine and asks "Can I interest you in helping me free the chocolate cake from its confinement in the refrigerator?"

"Yes," Blaine answers in a breathless voice that makes Kurt smile, because it sounds like Kurt just asked something entirely unrelated to chocolate cake.

Kurt holds his hands out for Blaine to take, and as Blaine stands up, Kurt wraps Blaine's arms around himself, leaving Blaine's hands to rest on his lower back, and placing his own hands around Blaine's neck.

"Brilliant," Kurt says, smiling brightly at Blaine, letting go entirely of Blaine after a brief almost tender hug.

And had the boys in this moment had eyes for anyone but each other they would have seen Carole smiling wide and even Burt unable to hold back a smile at how gentle the two are with each other. And their love does look young and fragile to others. A startling contrast to how deep it feels to both Blaine and Kurt.

Finn of course is still too busy shoveling food into his mouth to even notice his step-brother and said step-brother's boyfriend getting up from the table at all and heading for the kitchen.

When they enter the kitchen Kurt pulls Blaine back into the same position, then moves to rest his forehead gently against Blaine's, letting out a contented sigh.

Kurt knows Blaine does not like the idea, or the action, of being called out on the feelings playing up in him.

Kurt is not even sure Blaine is aware how obvious he is making them.

So Kurt decides he is going to go about it all differently.

Tilting his head slightly Kurt leans in to place a kiss on Blaine's left cheek, then one on his right, and finally one on his nose. Fleeting touches once again, nothing more.

Kurt pulls back a little further for a moment and locks eyes with Blaine. They are warm and soft and bright, and Kurt is sure in this instant there is not even a trace of sadness in them.


	4. Easy

**A/N: **

And then I went and could not leave it unfinished. Don't know where I found the energy for it, but I just could not bring myself to stop typing.

So this is the last chapter to 'Loving Touches Of The Mind', but not the last chapter in the Breathe-Series.

Thank you for sticking with me.

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><p><strong>Easy<strong>

Blaine is kissing Kurt. Deep. Filled with love and a tempting hint of lust, that neither boy is yet daring enough to follow.

Blaine is the first to speak when they have caught their breath again.

"It is so easy to talk to you right now."

Blaine's already low tone turns into a whisper with his next words, "I am scared."

And Blaine looks close to tears, so Kurt pulls his boyfriend deep into his arms, knowing that it is not like he can open the closet and slay the imaginary monsters with a mighty sword, because Blaine's monsters are not imaginary in any way.

It is truly beginning to dawn on Kurt now, and things are clicking into places in which, Kurt is sure, is actually really no room for them, nor should be.

"I am scared that if I let you in and you know all the things that are eating away at me, it will get hard. I don't want us to go through this. I don't want to put us through this myself."

"Kurt," Blaine sobs out, the tears following the strangled pronunciation of Kurt's name on foot, "I don't want to be the one tearing us down. I can't be."

"Blaine," Kurt says both hands on Blaine's cheeks, feeling the whole boy trembling under his tender touch.

It is one word. It is a whole declaration of love, worth a love letter so long it is too good to be used.

Wiping away Blaine's still freshly coming tears Kurt whispers, "I am not walking away from you. I understand there are things in your life that maybe you feel the need to walk away from, maybe should, and I hope I won't turn out to be one of those, some day."

"Blaine," Kurt says again, like it is the magic word that will grant him entrance into the strange cave full of wonders and danger to Blaine and maybe Kurt too, that Blaine's mind truly seems to be to Kurt right now.

Blaine has stopped crying, but Kurt's right hand has not stilled yet. Still running circles on Blaine's left cheek, soothing Blaine in the hope that it might smooth out some of the thoughts, just sitting there, stabbing and cutting and tearing open Blaine's insides with their unrefined edges.

Blaine wants nothing more than to feel the warmth of Kurt's skin on his spread through all of his body, so he softly runs a shaky hand through Kurt's hair, comforted by the feeling of something that is so Kurt between his fingers, then moves to places both his hands, lightly touching, behind Kurt's neck, pulling, yes, Kurt closer, but first and foremost pulling himself into Kurt's arms. Pressing every inch he can against Kurt, mumbling a desperation filled "Hold me," into Kurt's neck. And Kurt does not understand the words, but he understands, so he tightens his grip around Blaine's middle, and just…holds Blaine, and holds him close.

There are no fresh tears on his right shoulder or in the crock of his neck where Blaine's face is pressed firmly. But Kurt feels the deep breath grow deeper and less stuttering, less desperate, and Blaine half leaning on him is growing heavy, in a good way, that tells Kurt his boyfriend is relaxing more and more.

When Blaine pulls back, his right cheek, traces along Kurt's jaw line and own right cheek, sending a tremor, a shiver of the good kind through both their bodies.

"I will be here," Kurt breaths out, with the last of the tremor leaving his body. "When you think you are, when you think we are ready, I will be here."

Blaine's lips are on Kurt's in the next second. It is a desperate, wanton, longing kiss. Asking, almost begging for reassurance, because, and Kurt knows that, no matter how much, how often and with how many words Kurt says it, there is a part of Blaine that needs more, needs to hear it in a different language. And in this moment, with Blaine's lips on his Kurt understands for the first time, that it is not that Blaine has ever been bad at romance.

Blaine has been afraid of it. Kurt had not known till today that for Blaine close can be too close already. But watching him through dinner, everything he had seen then, now, makes sense.

And Kurt can feel the hesitation, the doubt creeping into Blaine, stiffening his body, immobilizing even the just a second ago still tender flow of Blaine's lips. So Kurt is quick to kiss back, to open up, to let Blaine in. Letting him know he is not seen as poison here in any way, not by Kurt. And Kurt asks for entrance too, making Blaine feel wanted, letting him know how much so he is.

Blaine is even more quiet when he breaks the kiss, than before.

"I want you Blaine, all of you. If you need something, anything, please tell me. Ask me, for what you need. Don't hold back with your feelings. It hurts me to see you stirring, pulling away from yourself. I promise I won't expect or ask for explanations, like I am not tonight. Please, Blaine, just let me be there for you. Allow me to try and be there for you in the same way that you have always tried to be there for me."

Blaine lets out a heavy shaky sigh in response, eyes fixed to the floor. So Kurt gently puts his left hand under Blaine's chin and tenderly lifts Blaine's head.

"You once told me I am not alone anymore," Kurt says, his hand moving to Blaine's right cheek, cupping it gently as he continues, Blaine instantly leaning into the touch, eyes closing, "It was one of the first things you ever said to me, and maybe it is my fault for not telling you earlier…"

Blaine's eyes snap open at this, and his right comes to clasp Kurt's left hand still resting on Blaine's cheek.

"No," Blaine breaths out, vigorously shaking his head, "not your fault in any way."

"Blaine, you are not alone anymore."

And now Blaine feels like crying and pathetic, because he feels like crying, again.

But Kurt's soft smile reduces the need to spill out an ocean to a single tear, and then Blaine is matching the softness, and mere moments later the smile.


End file.
